Morning Martini

1. DYSON STOCK PLUNGE: A law passed through the Alabama legislature would ban abortions once the baby’s heartbeat is detected. Doctors — not mothers — in violation of this law would face up to 99 years in jail. While a victory for pro-lifers the legislation is designed to force a Supreme Court challenge in the hopes of overturning Roe v. Wade.
2. HUDSON RIVER CRASHA helicopter pilot has survived crashing into the waters of the Hudson River around 1:30pm CST on Wednesday. He was the only person on board, and was rescued by a ferry crew. Inflatable pads were deployed along the craft’s skids to help keep it afloat. The pilot did not appear to suffer severe injuries. A rep for the helicopter company says the chopper was returning back to the pad; no word yet on what caused the accident.
3. TRAVEL BAN: The Department of Homeland Security has suspended any air travel to Venezuela over security concerns. The ban may be lifted “if and when the conditions” change, according to a DHS statement.
4. BOOM-BOOM BUST: The American birth rate is at a 32-year low, caused mostly by a dip in procreation among women in their 20s. With 3.788 million births, 2018 was the fourth-consecutive year of decline. Meanwhile, at 1.7 births per American woman, the population isn’t procreating enough to replace itself — the replacement rate is 2.1 births per woman.
5. SALON FOLDS, ALMOST:Lefty mag Salon is up for sale for $5 million. Holding company Salon Media revealed in financial docs with the Security and Exchanges Commission that it could face bankruptcy if a sale isn’t finalized. The current deal would require $550,000 in cash now, $100,000 in escrow, and and the remaining cash to be paid over the next two years. The influential-in-lefty-circles mag has never been profitable, but has been propped up by wealthy benefactors.
6. OVERWHELMING IMMIGRATION: A Harvard/Harris Poll indicates only 13% of Americans are aware that illegal immigration is hitting historic levels. 75% believe there are fewer than 250,000 border apprehensions a year; but in April alone there were 100,000, putting the US on track for the biggest flood on record. Even among Trump supporters, 35% guessed there were between 10,000 and 100,000 apprehensions annually.
7. “I DON’T LIKE YOUR JOKE”: After waiting hours for his delayed Southwest flight to finally take off from Sacramento to Texas, one passenger joked to the flight attendant that the free waters the flight crew was handing out should be vodka. The flight attendant then told him, “I don’t think that and I don’t like your joke.” That’s when she used the phone in the front of the cabin and the plane returned to the gate. Passengers yelled in protest. The offender, Peter Uzelack, was escorted off the plane, but not charged with any sort of crime.
8. BERESHEET, RIP: NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter has found the crash site of Israel’s Beresheet spacecraft, which crash-landed on the Moon instead of making a safe landing. The blast mark was found in the Sea of Serenity.
9. ZOMBIE RACCOONS: Chicago residents should keep an eye out for “zombie raccoons.” The rodents are often infected with the “distemper virus,” causing them to walk on their hind legs and walk around with their teeth bared. One of the biggest risks is dogs, who when bitten by infected raccoons can get respiratory problems and doggy diarrhea.
10. WINNIE’S STICKY DREAM: Four shipping containers of honey are leaking the sweet substance onto I-80/94 in Indiana after the semi hauling them lost control and rolled over. The incident happened after the truck’s front axle broke.

Lauren Alaina has a new man in her life, just 4 months after calling off her engagement to her high school sweetheart. The country star revealed on “The Bobby Bones Show” that she is dating Christian comedian John Crist.

Jenelle Evans and David Eason’s 2-year-old daughter Ensley Eason has been removed from their custody. Following David killing the family’s dog—reportedly in front of some of their children—Jenelle’s two sons were removed from her care; Kaiser, 4, is with his father’s family and Jace, 9, is with Jenelle’s mom.

An order was sent by a judge, per the request of CPS, to remove the children shortly after the incident with the dog happened. There was a delay however, because the agencies were afraid to go on Jenelle and David’s property due to his violent tendencies.

There has been no word from the couple about the removal or if and when they will get their children back.

Ayesha Curry spoke to Working Mother about her botched boob job. The wife of NBA all-star Steph Curry said that after having their second child, she made a “rash decision” to get her boobs done, but was left with the “most botched boob job on the face of the planet.”

She has come to realize that at the time she was “battling a bit of postpartum” that made her really depressed about her body, so she opted for a breast lift, but came out with bigger boobs that she “didn’t want.”

Ayesha has since had the couple’s third child and says she has been able to develop more self-confidence in being a working mom.

Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted cruising around Los Angeles like a real “champion of climate change” in a Volvo Plug-In Hybrid. The SUV, which goes for around $70K seats 7, so there was plenty of space for the actor to haul around what and who ever he likes.

Mick Jagger is shaking it, just a month after having a stent put in his heart. The 75-year-old posted a video of himself in the studio, perfecting his dance moves to “Techno Fan” by The Wombats. Even Mick’s 19-year-son, Lucas was impressed by the moves, commenting, “Oh woah.”

Olivia Jade is not letting her parents’ legal woes get to her. Lori Loughlin’s youngest daughter was spotted out in Hollywood with some friends around 2 a.m. Wednesday, after leaving the popular nightclub, Bootsy Bellows.

While the 19-year-old doesn’t appear to be concerned about the college admissions scandal, there is a chance she could be called to testify in her parents’ care.

Chinese state media is taking the escalating trade war with the US to the streets of Beijing. The media, basically a propaganda arm of the communist party, accuses the US of “greed and arrogance” and are calling for a “peoples’ war” against us. This comes after President Trump has spent the early part of the week threatening tariffs of 25% on another $300 billion in Chinese imports. That would mean almost all Chinese imports would be subject to those tariffs.

DETAILS: Trump on Friday already increased tariffs on $200 billion worth of China imports, from 10% to 25%. The new threat would bring the total amount of tariffed goods to $500 billion. Total imports from China to the US are valued at $540 billion.

ALSO: on Monday, China retaliated by raising tariffs on $60 billion worth of American imports, from 5% to 25%.

FINALLY: President Trump’s top economics advisor, Larry Kudlow, told Fox News Sunday that US consumers would also suffer from the escalating trade war. This directly contradicts Trump’s claim that China will single-handedly pay the bill.

Taking the stage with Bernie Sanders, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on Monday took a shot at former vice president Joe Biden over the issue of climate change. “I’ll be damned,” if the same old politicians who refuse to act in decades past are going to try to come up with a more moderate approach than her “green new deal,” she said. This comes just after the media reported that Biden plans to “find a middle ground” on addressing climate change. The green new deal has been estimated to cost $93 trillion.

MEANWHILE, Joe Biden is telling his critics to “calm down” until he releases the plan. He says he has always been an environmental extremist, and his plan will hardly be moderate.

Breaking from her fellow Democrats Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar, Sen. Elizabeth Warren is declining to hold a Townhall on the Fox News Channel. She claims that she loves town halls and has done more then 70, but said Fox News is a “hate-for-profit racket, and has an audience of racists and conspiracists. So, clearly going in for the 50% of the Democratic Party that identifies as moderate or conservative.

Beto O’Rourke-tron 5000 tried re-booting its campaign software with a new, innovative approach on Monday—it made an appearance on “The View.” In the interview with the liberal hosts, O’Rourke profusely apologized for the mistakes he made early on in his campaign. He all but fell on the floor apologizing for a gaffe in which he said he “sometimes” raises his son, and apologized up and down for saying that he was born to run for president. It is an effort to try not to appear like the rich white male that he is, sucking up to an audience that loves sob-story victims.

Donald Trump Jr. has struck a deal to testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee for a second time. That puts him in compliance with a subpoena from Republican Chairman Richard Burr, who has been criticized by fellow Republicans for demanding the appearance. The question will likely center on a Trump Tower project in Moscow and the June 2016 meeting at Trump Tower between Don Jr. and campaign officials with a Russian lawyer.

Bernie Sanders is no longer the cool kid among young people. IA new Morning Consult poll finds Sanders’s support among people between 18 and 29 has dropped from 45% to 33% in just the past three months. Meanwhile, Joe Biden’s support has risen by 4% among the young whippersnappers demographic, now sitting at 24%. The poll also found Biden’s overall support at 39%, followed by Sanders with 19%.

The U.S. Navy has released a report on the infamous “sky penis” that appeared in the form of jet trails over the skies of Washington state in 2017. It was the work of two junior officers who had some time to kill and noticed that the white contrails behind their jets were sticking extra well that day. They didn’t think the trails would linger long enough for people on the ground to snap pictures. That’s according to the military’s sky penis investigation that was obtained by the Navy times.

“Fresh Prince” star Alfonso Ribeiro and wife Angela have welcomed their third child together, daughter Ava Sue. It’s his fourth overall. (He played Carlton on the show, if your memory needs a jog.)

Reviews are mixed about the penultimate Game of Thrones episode — which scored a paltry 49% on Rotten Tomatoes — but it was the most-watched episode in series history. 18.4 million tuned in Sunday night. That broke the last record, episode three of this season, by 600,000 viewers. HBO estimates each episode has 43 million viewers on average over the course of the week — that’s up 10 million from season 7.

Actor Kieran Culkin and wife Jazz Charton are expecting their first child together. They posted a pic of the sonogram to social media with the caption, “We had no idea how much we wanted this until it happened.”

Culkin is currently starring in HBO’s “Succession.” They’ve been hitched since 2013.

1252 – Pope Innocent IV authorizes the use of torture in the Inquisition.

“Ad extirpanda” was the edict that said it was okay to hurt people until they decided to believe in God, but with a few caveats. 

The beating could not cause loss of limb, each method could only be used once, and the Inquisitor had to be certain that the person being beaten was a heretic.

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1800 – John Adams orders that the federal government move from Philadelphia to Washington, D.C.

The Congress and Cabinet had one month to make the move, effective June 15, 1800.

There were at the time only 125 federal employees. Any archives and documents accumulated in the 8 years of the young country’s existence were transported by barge using inland waterways.

The Adams Family wouldn’t move in to the still-unfinished White House until November that year.

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1963 – Faith 7 blasts off from Cape Canaveral, the last mission of the Mercury Program.

It was for a short time the longest trip in space. Pilot Gordon Cooper orbited Earth 22 times over the course of 34 hours. It made him the first American to spend more than 24 consecutive hours in space. 

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1972 – A gunman shoots Governor George Wallace of Alabama. Wallace was the governor, running for president for the third time.

Wallace was historically very pro-segregation. In 1972 he ran on the Democrat ticket.

The day after his shooting he won primaries in Michigan and Maryland. But soon it became evident that the attack would leave him paralyzed from the waist down.

George McGovern would get the nomination.

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1972 – Nolan Ryan throws his first no-hitter in a game against the Kansas City Royals.

He struck out 12 batters.  Ryan would throw 5 more no-hitters in his career. His last was 19 years later, at the age of 44. 

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1988 – Soviet troops begin withdrawing from Afghanistan.

They left after 8 years of support for the pro-communist movement in the country. The Afghanis detested the communist uprising, and the Soviet occupiers even more.

Neither side ever gained an edge in the ongoing fighting for nearly a decade. As the Soviet Union was headed for collapse, it began consolidating its armed forces across Europe and Asia. Pulling troops out of Afghanistan was just one element of that action.

Just days after Meghan Markle’s estranged half-sister Samantha Markle shared her two cents about baby Archie, Meg’s half-brother is now also speaking out. Thomas Markle Jr. told The Sun that he is very happy for the new parents and hopes that his royal nephew will allow Meghan to “finally make amends with her family.”

Kim Kardashian-West is selling some of her favorite designer pieces on eBay. The “KUWTK” star listed an Alaia bodysuit, a Juicy Couture bikini and a woven straw Chanel purse, totaling over $6,000.

Ten percent of the profits are being donated by Kim to the charity The Buried Alive Project, which “works to advance the movement of reforming our nation’s criminal justice system through transformative litigation, legislation and humanization.”